Yerushalaim Shel Zahav

To begin, happy 2007!!!!

I've been gone... first because I was enjoying the most wonderful trip of my life to our mother ship (aka--> Eretz Israel) and I have been gone... mentally... because Rabbi-who-stupidly-still-rocks-my-world is around, irritating me. GO HOME ALREADY!!!

Ok, so...before I keep firing love-hate manifestations of my love or enfatutation or whatever it is for Cute-Rabbi, I will tell you all about the most fantastic, unbelievable, present I have received from anyone who's not my parents. December 24th, I woke up before the crack of dawn to take my aunt, uncle & cousin to the airport... they were taking my cousin's kids to Israel, to start the sionist education early in their lives... I went back home, put on my PJs and started working on the project I had been delaying and had planned for the 2 week holidays I had- Project Non-Stop Sleep- (my office was closed without me wanting to take vacations cause I had no better plan) anywhooo... phone rings, cousin on the other side, asking if I was willing (willing?!?!) to hop on a plane the next day and sacrifice 32 hours of my life to go to the most fantastic country in the world... heck, would I sacrifice?!?!?!

Needless to say, next morning I was on my way. Flew next to a wonderful young girl from the USA to Tel Aviv, and though I'm not much of a flight talker -I'm usually carrying the typical do-not-disturb gadgets (iPod, book, siddur) I liked this girl and we had a wonderful conversation. She is Christian and has been involved in different church projects for the past few years. She was moving to Yerushalaim as a baby-sitter to help her friend who was having her 4th baby in 4 years.

I cried when I landed in Tel Aviv. And cried like a million other times. And laughed at myself and laughed with Cute-get-out-of-my-life-Rabbi when I confessed I was having a hard time davening at the Kotel because I could not stop crying and sobbing. WOW. The Kotel is alive. Have you felt that? Have you touch those walls? Have you felt the energy? That energy can only be felt in Yerushalaim. Beautiful Jerusalem of gold... and made of bronze and filled with light...

We went everywhere... from the borders with Lebanon to the borders of Egypt... from the Dead Sea to the Kineret... may Gd bless Israel... its beauty, its history, it' energy and its people. Le shana haba v'Yerushalaim... BH.

So, Cute-Rabbi is here, being "honest" as he can and making my mind go round,round-baby-round,round,like a record, baby, round, round, round, round... I am madly in love. You will never understand to what extent I am in love. But distance is horrible and he deserves someone who's there for him... someone close... someone there.... and so do I. In the past weeks we've looked like puppies in love and like enemies in battle... he has come close and he has distanced himself... all out of love and the pain that comes with it. I wish it was different. I wish I could understand what it is out of this situation that we both have to learn... is God telling us to go wild in the name of love? To drop our lifes and form a new life together with no plan, no income, no nothing other than love? Or is He teaching us to let go of our loved ones... the ultimate sacrifice?!?! That is what it feels like. I think I will commit to letting go this time. Hopefully he will find someone in his path... and I will find somebody in mine. Only time will tell and only God knows.